I am learning to apply the lesson this year about being unashamed. I still struggle with choosing to not judge myself, but instead to let the Holy Spirit show me the truth about situations where my behavior is lacking.
On vacation recently, I allowed my feelings to overwhelm me. It was the anniversary of my wedding; it would have been 50 years. I was in mourning, really, and allowed myself to entertain anger about a situation instead of taking a breath and letting a situation go. Because of my choice, I missed an opportunity to minister much-needed wisdom and prayer for a family member. In the past, I would have condemned my behavior. Instead, I asked God’s wisdom about the situation.
No doubt I could have done better. But the reason behind my failure was a lack of self-care. I had not done my daily habits in an atmosphere foreign to my daily life. Abandoning the simple things that normally uphold my faith and the fruit of the Spirit undermined my ability to cope with less-than-ideal circumstances. Quiet time for spiritual and personal reflection was difficult to achieve and I made the mistake of just letting it go too often. By the end of the visit, I was too sensitive and lacked the peace that normally marks my way of living. By His grace, I will not make the same mistake again.
Living alone gives me the benefit of dwelling in God’s presence continually. The Holy Spirit is free to speak whenever He chooses because no one disturbs our communication. I can stop whatever I am doing to listen. In addition, the quiet that I choose for my surroundings allows me to hear more easily because there are fewer distractions. Unfortunately, I did not realize how much I now rely on this to ground myself in the Lord. The depth of my need for solitude has grown as I have lived alone, and I did not make time for solitude on this vacation. God willing, it will not happen the next time. For now, I will agree with God’s word as written by Paul:
1 Corinthians 4:3-4 I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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