Moving forward requires more time than I like. Being patient with myself is one of my great struggles. Self-criticism is an enemy that I thought I had conquered, apparently not entirely as yet.
Members of my high school graduating classed gathered in June for our 50th year reunion. I did not attend due to incomplete transition but some unexpected emotions surprised me. Earlier this year, I successfully identified that I was holding unforgiveness against a group of people from when I was a teenager. They were unkind, as the young often can be. The young see the problems of others as humorous before they learn to identify with our common humanity and to look more deeply behind the situation and acknowledge that they have issues as well. I had not resolved the hurt I felt then until this year. I thought it was over and done with, but as my reunion approached, I identified some ambiguous feelings. I sought the Lord’s wisdom about what was going on, but it took some time before I believed I got an answer.
Forgiveness is a decision; it is made with the mind and will. In lessons from the past, I learned that feelings follow decisions and that the alignment of feelings with a decision takes time. Such is the case with this aspect of my past. I know I forgave an unkind portrayal of my character, but the emotions associated with the hurt are being aligned with that forgiveness.
Once more, my request for growth in the fruit of patience so many years ago is being answered, this time in regard to my own soul. Feeling excluded and unwanted is something I believe we all experience when we are young, and only our acceptance as children of God heals the wound. Choosing a lifestyle of forgiveness is critical to this healing, and is a requirement to be forgiven ourselves as Jesus taught us how to pray:
Luke 11:4 ‘And forgive us our sins, For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us [who has offended or wronged us].’ Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved
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