We have heard the scriptures about God being the provider of all our needs, that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and that He cares for His people. I struggle with allowing that to be reality in my life. The Holy Spirit graciously showed me why this week. The season of rest and healing continues for both my body and soul. My recent blood work confirms the ongoing healing in my body. Another piece of healing of my soul is in progress.
Independence of spirit and soul is a hallmark of my life. I thought it was because of my natural personality. However, I have cried out to the Lord lately to give up independence as a lifestyle and something deep in my soul has been fighting the change. Knowing His word is how my mind is renewed, I sought wisdom in a word search and found revelation in this scripture:
Isaiah 50:10 Who is among you who [reverently] fears the Lord, who obeys the voice of His Servant, yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble and has no shining splendor [in his heart]? Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord, and let him lean upon and be supported by his God.
I stand in rightness with God because the blood of Jesus wipes away my sin. The truth of the state of my heart being in darkness and deep trouble without light hit me hard. I immediately asked to know the source of the darkness and was taken back to familiar childhood memories. At about age 9, my family was in chaos. My father’s choices made day to day life difficult. My mother struggled to meet her five children’s needs and her own. I remember the day that in tears, I told her that I understood that my dreams could not be fulfilled. I remembered vowing to myself that I would no longer ask for what I needed. That vow colored my relationship with my parents and eventually my God.
Despite childhood innocence, an adult must choose to change their minds about what they believed as a child when it is found to be in error. I attributed the failings in my family to my Father God when I came to know Him. I was wrong; He is faithful. The independent spirit that I adopted at such a young age perverted the appropriate relationship I might have had with God as my provider until now. He reassures me through an Old Testament story that I need not be afraid for the future.
In II Kings 25, the story of Jehoiachin, king of Judah, relates that after 37 years in captivity, the king of Babylon releases Jehoiachin from prison, shows him favor, speaks to him kindly, and elevates him in status. Jehoiachin takes off his prison garments, dines regularly at the king’s table, and receives a daily allowance from the king continually until the end of his life. God has released me from the prison of my sin. He whispers to my heart that His plan is to provide for me every day all that is needed for my good. My mind is changed. I take off the garments of independence. I thank God He will write on my heart the truth about His faithfulness and that He delights in providing for me, His beloved daughter.
Is there a place deep in your heart that is dark and without light? Ask God why and He will be faithful to reveal the truth and set you free.
Scriptures from Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC) Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation
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