I was surprised to learn I thought I was an orphan. I’m watching Jimmy Evans’ series at Gateway Church on giving and your best life. He shared that early in his walk with Jesus, he realized that he had an orphan mentality and as he spoke, it dawned that I did as well. The night before, I had a dream about a wound that needed opening, draining, and healing. An orphan mentality has been the source of much distress in my life – especially in trying to believe that God is a loving Father who will always care for and provide for me.
I thought back to my early childhood; we lived on a farm and, due to losses, my father had to resume his job as a master plasterer and hire a farmhand to work with my uncle. As I’ve shared, the farmhand sexually abused me when I was 4-5 years old. Daddy had been at the farm fulltime previous to the economic setbacks. I internalized his leaving and the abuse as him abandoning me. It also didn’t help that in the first 8 years of my life, we lived 7 different places, sometimes with family. My perception of my family’s instability was accurate. My father’s choice of a selfish lifestyle had begun before I was born and continued throughout his life. I remember being 9 or 10 and thinking that his plans for a house were a pipedream. Indeed, he spoke of them to a neighbor in front of me and I knew it was all smoke and mirrors. By the time I was 10, my mother had experienced a nervous breakdown and entered counseling. Daddy refused to join her, and she was faced with ongoing infidelity that ended with divorce before I was 13. The orphan mentality followed me all my life. It was reinforced in a failed marriage and was the source of my trust issues with my Heavenly Father.
Tearfully, I repented of believing a lie. I am not an orphan. My Father is good and will always take care of me better than any earthly father is capable of doing. This scripture applies to me:
1John 5:1a: Everyone who believes [with a deep, abiding trust in the fact] that Jesus is the Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed) is born of God [that is, reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, and set apart for His purpose] ….
Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.
God is writing that scripture on my heart that I may never again believe I am abandoned. I believe many believers who hurt may have also believed this fallacy. Please examine your heart and make sure you know you are His child and that He is a good father.
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