Facing the future

I don’t want to use the same word in my blog title again so quickly. If I had, it would have been “struggling.” That’s what I am doing this weekend, struggling. I am struggling with the news that my mother needs to be in skilled nursing care, at least for a while. She is 90 and lives 1500 miles away. Right now, I am not able to visit her for several reasons that are contributing to my struggle.

I am the oldest child in my family. My mother and I have been close friends for years. Our parents do seem to be wiser the older we become, and I learned as a young adult to seek her counsel regularly. Her wisdom helped me greatly as a mother and her example of living on her own and then happily with my stepfather has always been an encouragement to me. Her unconditional love has been a mainstay in my life through seasons of blessing and pain and I am saddened that her time here is dwindling. However, I am also saddened that she is having problems that mean she can no longer live safely in her apartment in her retirement community and that her body is slowly winding down to its end.

Mother and Wilbur (my stepfather) made the decision to move to this facility many years ago. It has been a blessing to all of us (they have 9 children between them) knowing that they were safe, happy, well fed, and had immediate access to health care providers when needed. While they were able, they both were active in community life, participating in gardening (Wilbur), store management (Mother) and physical activity classes that helped them both maintain flexibility and balance. The daytrips around their area were great opportunities to see new places and enjoy the friendship of those around them.

Wilbur died 2 years ago in June. Since then, Mother has been slowly having more problems. One of my prayers is that the skilled nursing staff will recognize problems with her medications. I suspect she has accepted some that were incompatible with others she was already taking, causing some of her difficulties. I don’t have the resources or time to go and visit with her physicians to check this out myself and other family members are also constrained from doing this because of other issues. Closer monitoring of her reactions should help her physicians better coordinate her care.

Mother is one of her generation’s last remaining members in the family. To my knowledge, she only has one cousin living. Hers was the generation that lived through the Depression and World War II and saw the changes that came with the technology explosion. She loves computer solitaire and seeing pictures of her great-grandchildren on our Facebook accounts, but gave up her cell phone and e-mail. She felt if someone couldn’t live a message for her on her landline, they didn’t really need to talk to her and e-mail was just too many steps. A stamp and a card were all she needed to bless you.

And now, there will be a new situation when I finally get to go visit her. I’ll need to bring some peonies to her room since we can’t go walking to look at our favorite flowers. No more sitting in her living room reading while she naps on the couch. No sleeping just a room away as I did as a child. She can’t get around as easily as she once did, so walking the path through the wild ravine is really not happening. But her hug and kiss, sweet smile and beautiful eyes will welcome me as they always have. It’s these times I wish I lived much closer. I love you Mother.