I tried to write this for Sunday and have been wrestling with God about it. I only do that when I find I don’t agree with what I’m hearing or I don’t want to expose something about myself. When I started this website, I clearly understood that I had to be transparent in my writing, only protecting the identities of others when they might be injured by what I say. I wait to write when I don’t agree with what I believe God is saying because I know He needs to show me something I don’t understand. This time, I do not want to expose something about myself because it will reveal that I am not as independent of others as I like to think I am.
Research clearly shows that from birth, we humans need the touch of other humans to not just survive but to thrive. Newborn intensive care unit caregivers encourage parents of premies to touch them knowing by experience that those babies do better. We never grow out of the need for touch.
My primary adult relationship began to fail more than 25 years ago. It was gradual, based on a decision my husband made, and there was less and less touch. While my children were at home, that need was met in measure (hugging teenage boys is not always acceptable). Then our marriage ended and my sons left home and I was left with one elderly cat. I loved having pets but for me animals are a substitute for people.
I have had family and friends live with me off and on since my sons reached adulthood. I realized a few weeks ago that the periods of living entirely alone and without pets have taken a toll on my soul. I unconsciously decided that since I did not receive the touch I needed daily, I would do without pretty much all the time. It has led me to become distant, something very foreign to who I am in Christ. The habit of not touching others has persisted and I know I need to break it. I’m not talking about touching everyone in my life, but I need to connect with friends and family with whom hugs are appropriate. It means being vulnerable in this area again and the rejection I suffered so many years ago needs healing.
I realize I need help to change a habit that has formed over a period of nearly 20 years. So if you know me, please offer a hug when appropriate. I will try to do better and not be unapproachable.
We all need to connect with others. They need us just as we need them, much as some of us don’t want to admit it.
Do you need a hug today?