I have learned the hard way that the bad things in my life are always substitutes for good things.
I began a habit of telling tall tales after a family friend took advantage of me before I was in school. He threatened to hurt my sister if I ever told. I couldn’t let that happen and so learned how to make up stories about what was going on. So what I thought was a credible lie substituted for the truth then and later. They weren’t credible but no one noticed because I was sincere.
Losing my father’s protection at 13 meant I looked for it in other places. I wrongly believed he didn’t value me enough to remain part of my life and, again falsehood made me seem desired and cared for. Later I chose unhealthy relationships looking for that caring. I realized just recently that at one I time, I enjoyed the smell of tobacco because it reminded me of my father, who smoked his entire life.
And then there were the bad food habits. They really grew out of an undiagnosed genetic problem with gluten. Feeling bad was the normal for me so I kept the habits to feel the same way, not realizing until much later how sick I felt when I ate gluten. The habit of changing my feelings based on eating gradually took over. I know how to fight it now and am growing with God and overcoming that darkness with light.
Loss of relationships and being far from home has made it too easy to become attached to people of fiction whether in books, movies or television. I need to make sure I see family and friends enough to keep myself grounded in reality. When I catch myself thinking about a plot in a novel or TV show too often, I realize I’ve strayed too far into the world of fiction. There is nothing wrong with it per se, but when I allow it to be an unsatisfying substitute, I have to get myself back to the people I love and care about.
I am still discovering ways I make substitutions for good things I miss or lack. I am grateful that this onion is being peeled away from my life and healthy living is the result. God is faithful to continually help me grow into the life He desires me to life, full of dreams that become reality.
Joyce M. is right. God takes our mess and makes it our message. He truly died so we can be free. Hallelujah! I love you.
She is right indeed. She was at Lakewood earlier this month and that was part of what she shared. I am truly blessed because of what God has done and is doing in me. Love you too!