In 2007, God gave me a very special gift for my birthday. He confirmed that He’d given me healing from rejection and the pain of being divorced.
In September, I heard from my sons that their dad (my ex-husband) had had a mild heart attack the previous week. He had been hospitalized but only needed one angioplasty. Apparently, the doctor said there was very little heart damage and his prognosis was good as long as he took better care of himself.
I was surprised to find that my reaction was one of compassion for someone who was like a stranger or at least an acquaintance from the distant past. There was no angst, no ‘I should have been there to help,’ and no tears. All I found in my heart was gratitude to God that He preserved the guys’ dad’s life to save him eventually and to keep them from losing a parent while still in their 20s.
My emotional distance was a real surprise to me. I wrote to my then pastor asking if this seemed to him to be real healing and he responded this way:
“It is real. Since emotional healing is gradual, we sometimes do not realize what has happened until something suddenly brings the reality that the ‘sting’ is gone. You can remember, but without the pain (at least the intense pangs of hurt). What a freeing experience!”
I had to ask God how He did it. (The questions a reporter asks are still there: who, what, when, where, why, and how.)
I believe He showed me it happened in 2 parts. First I was willing to learn to stop replaying the hurts of the past and say out loud as many times as was necessary “I forgive.” The past only has as much power over our hearts as we give it.
Second, He said I was willing to learn to be a responder instead of a reactor. I have a new understanding of the word “react.” One of its meanings is to give back what you are given, i.e., if you’re given hurt, it’s what you give back if you react. To be like Jesus, we have to learn to be responders, giving back what’s needed to the one who is hurting us because they are hurt themselves. I’m not perfect at it yet, but I’m succeeding more often than in the past.
I continue to rejoice over such an awesome work by God. It has been new freedom for me. I am reminded that it was for freedom He set us free. It is joy unspeakable and hope for a future I was not certain was possible not long ago.
If you need healing in this area, I pray that you will receive it, in Jesus’ name.
AWESOME!