I recently celebrated a birthday and since my mother’s birthday is a week before mine, I’ve been thinking about her even more than usual. She’s always been a great mother and it’s even more wonderful that we’re also friends and sisters in the Lord.
Mother is aging. She was 89 on her birthday. The spirit and soul are still vibrant but her body is slowing down…a lot.
What I’ve been pondering is the year she had surgery to replace her aortic valve. By the time the cardiologist diagnosed aortic stenosis (the valve was closing and not opening all the way) and the surgeon took her to surgery, she should have been gone because of the severity of the stenosis.
I attribute her surviving to God’s grace, not just to her but to me.
When I heard about what was wrong, I immediately began bending God’s ear about why He had to heal her. I remember saying that, with everything else that was going wrong in my life, she couldn’t go home to be with Him yet. I still needed her too much. I couldn’t face not having her to talk to, hug me when I could get to see her, and just be there.
What has occurred to me with this birthday is that my prayer was selfish.
God has since told me how awesome it will be for her when He calls her home and her earthly body dies. First, there are those she loved here who have gone on before her. The reunion will be so joyous. Second, there are the family members going back generations she has yet to meet who knew Him and are there too. And last but not least, there is Jesus and the Father, whose love has sustained her through the storms of life.
I don’t feel guilty that I prayed selfishly. I did need her.
But I know this: When I saw her last, I realized that being worn out has robbed her of things she loves and loved to do. And so, when the call comes next time from my sister, I won’t be asking for Mother to stay. I’ll ask instead that her homegoing would be peaceful and blessed, precious in His sight as His word says. I know now that my mourning will pale in comparison to her joy.
Thanks Peg. I will miss her so much, but you are right. At times I have regretted being so far away for so long. God has always reminded me that we will have eternity to do all the things we couldn’t do here. I asked him to build our mansions next to each other so we can. The same with all my sisters.
Thanks for your thoughts. I love you.
I love you too Beth. I look forward to the circle being unbroken as well.